My Advice to My Firstborn: The Grainy Truth You Need To Know

6 min readJan 19, 2021

My daughter turns sixteen next week.

I’m not panicking. She’s cautious and reserved- the total opposite of me when I was sixteen.

Each year brings her a step closer to independence and leaving our rules and influence behind. And our food. It’s my parental duty to help her ease into adulthood by equipping her with comforting words of wisdom. I honestly thought this was going to be an effortless feat given my overwhelming life experience and knowledge of 80’s lyrics and movie monologues.

But after hours of catching up on 90’s reboots hoping for some kind of inspiration, I still had nothing but a growling stomach. Who knew 90’s nostalgia was such a calorie burner? I whipped up a batch of cauliflower fried rice, but after a few bites, I found myself back in the kitchen reaching for real ingredients to make real fried rice.

And believe it or not, as I swirled a whisked egg between clumps of short grains and diced vegetables, the answer became clear. It was sizzling in my overworked frying pan.

You can read my letter to my daughter and my frying pan revelation below. And if you’d like to first grab chocolate from your secret stash above the microwave that your kids pretend they don’t know about I won’t tell.

Dear Dee Dee,

Happy sixteenth birthday! As your mom, you know I have a lot to say about life, liberty, and New Kids On the Block. Some things I say make sense, some don’t. It depends on how well your brother slept the night before. Your one-year-old brother, not the fourteen-year-old.

Your milestone birthday grants me a secret wish: my own Rocky Balboa moment.

Don’t worry; I’m not applying for a boxing license.

But it’s time I tell you the real stuff of life just like Rocky did with his son, Robert. (Milo V you are the perfect Balboa offspring.) I’m not going to recite the entire should-have-won-Sylvester Stallone an-Oscar monologue to you. I cry every time and I need to reserve my tears especially now. Paper products are scarce.

His speech captures almost everything I want you to keep in your parka pocket as you prepare for this next round.

Life is not always an upbeat K-pop song. When it knocks you down, gather every ounce of stubbornness you inherited from me and take the hits. Dab Neosporin on your scrape then get back up. Again. And Again. With class.
You have the privilege of steering your own Honda. You set your own speed and limits. Don’t blame anyone else if you missed your exit or Siri rerouted you.
Success is a mental game. Self-doubt is crippling. It doesn’t matter how talented everyone says you are. You will be stuck in the same place if you convince yourself you are inferior.

Though Rocky’s speech encompasses so many truths about life, I realize it’s missing advice personal and significant to you.

So what words of wisdom do I want to ingrain in your beautiful AP mind?

Rice.

Rice, rice, baby. Yes, I’m serious. The grain. The one I love eating with seaweed and fish eggs. I attempted to make fried rice the other day and realized I have never shown you how to cook it. I also realized it’s tucked behind the Vitamix.

When I was growing up, the typical Filipino home decor included a gigantic wooden fork and spoon hanging on the wall, a painting or carving of the last supper, and a rice dispenser. How many of these things do you see displayed in our house? Zero. Shame on me. I need to do a better job of educating you about the other half of your DNA.

And rice is the perfect first lesson.

Why? Because it’s a major part of who you are. And even a bigger part of me obviously. It’s the reason I have three different sizes of jeans.

Your grandparents were born and raised in the Philippines where rice plays a huge part in Filipino culture. It’s eaten during every meal and sometimes it is the meal. The average yearly salary is equivalent to about $3,100 and people spend the majority of their income on rice.

Rice is more than a staple there; it’s life. The Philippines is one of the world’s top rice producers and consumers. And it ranks as the largest importer of rice in the world. Maybe you already learned these facts in Human Geo. If something disrupts the cultivation and imports of this crop the economy, society, and security of the Philippines suffer.

When the president, Rodrigo Duterte, was mayor of Davao City (this city is 33 hours south of your grandparents’ town) he warned an alleged rice smuggler of severe consequences if he ever entered the city. Like a forced early retirement from society, if you know what I mean. Rice is vital to the quality of everyday life.

Your grandparents emigrated to Hawaii in the early ’70s. So… are you Hawaiian? No. Am I Hawaiian? N.O. In my experience, this is a fact people have difficulty comprehending.

Just like my parents, many people from different countries migrated to Hawaii and brought their traditions and cultures to the islands. Modern Hawaiian culture is a beautiful combination of every ethnicity represented in Hawaii.

Many come from rice-eating countries. It makes sense Hawaii consumes the most rice in the U.S. There’s even an annual festival celebrating and honoring Hawaii’s beloved staple. It’s the centerpiece of every meal. Spaghetti? Hamburgers? Thanksgiving dinner? Rice never misses a meal.

So you see, rice is richly woven into your culture. There is another crucial lesson I need to teach you… how to cook rice.

Throw out everything you learned in World History or Trigonometry. This is the only lesson you need. The one which will elevate you from a novice to having your own pretend Food Network show. The one which will console you when Zack and Kelly’s breakup song becomes your theme song for the summer.

Rice is a frugal remedy for heartache if it’s cooked correctly.

This simple technique grandma taught me is the only trick you need. I’ve found this method works both with a rice cooker and on the stovetop.

Place rice in a pot. Rinse until the water is clear. I usually swirl the rice in the water and then drain the water. I repeat this about three times. Many people differ on this step but I always do this.

2. Stick your pointer finger(wash your hands first)on top of the leveled rice. It doesn’t matter if you use your left or right hand.

3. Add water until it reaches the first line on your finger. If you are using a rice cooker, wipe the bottom of the pot dry before you place it in the rice cooker. If you are cooking it on the stove, bring it to a boil and then lower to a simmer. Cover and simmer for about 20 minutes.

Voila! The secret to perfect rice-not too dry or not too mushy- is now in your hands. Practice it and teach it to my grandchildren. After you complete medical school. Or law school.

Whatever you decide to study or if life leads you an ocean apart from us, I hope you remember how significant rice is to your story. Sometimes I need a reminder too.

So it’s time I remove it from its hiding place. It deserves as much attention as french fries and mashed potatoes. Although you can’t deep fry rice. Or can you? Hmmm…sounds like we need to conduct a “Good Eats” experiment.

But first I need to do Rocky’s victory “dance,” and run up and down our stairs to “The Eye of The Tiger” in my Dove shorts.

I’ll be loving you forever,

Mom

Aka- Madre

and

the coolest thing in 1991

and

the one who birthed you without drugs

and

the one who loves you the most

Sources

https://biz30.timedoctor.com/average-salary-in-philippines/